


Can't stop loving you.

by Bhalia



Category: Zombieland Saga (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, F/M, One-side love, Platonic Love, Pov. Kotaro., Slighty breakdown, post episode 11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:15:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22282459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bhalia/pseuds/Bhalia
Summary: ... And yet, after all, after the time, the memories, the pain...He could not stop loving her.
Relationships: Minamoto Sakura & Tatsumi Kotarou
Comments: 1
Kudos: 34





	Can't stop loving you.

**Author's Note:**

> After hearing Sakura's thoughts about how pathetic she is. Koutaro finally starts to breakdown, after of all this years.

_“Listen to me, Sakura! I'm telling you that i will never abandon you!”_

Koutaro shouted in his face, looking up at her from behind those dark sunglasses. Though nothing could be seen through them, he was grateful that it was so. Sakura stood in front of him, staring at him in complete silence, as if what she was hearing was simply rubbish.

He gulped down.

He was not supposed to do that. He was about to leave the place after the girl began to ramble about her feelings of self-hatred. He wasn't supposed to intervene at that point, and instead, act like he always does. Cold, uncaring, and like a bastard. But he couldn't. Those words " _I can't do it", "I always screw up", " **I'm an idiot.**_ **"** They were his breaking point.

"I'll never... I'll never leave you." He whispered to himself, allowing his voice to break slightly for the first time in a long time.

Koutaro turned his back on her so that he could no longer see her. The depressed zombie was left behind and he knew that, if he left there, she would follow him after all. It was no surprise when he saw her get into the truck moments after he did. 

All the way back to the mansion, neither of them said anything. He knew that she was still overwhelmed by her own misery and would not listen to anything he said. While he knew that, if he opened his own mouth, many things would happen, and he would not be able to stop them. 

He sighed softly, taking his eyes off the rearview mirror. "Calm down." He said himself. But his hands on the wheel were shaking, and his throat was tightening.

_"I don't have what it takes."_

_"I know you'll do better without me."_

_"You can do everything without me."_

His grasp grew stronger, and he was grateful again that his wet eyes could not be seen through the glasses. 

Time passed very quickly and at the same time, very slowly by when they had arrived at the mansion. The scary place was dark. It was probably already quite late and the other girls, seeing that Sakura didn't return, they decided to surrender and to go to sleep. Better for him, in that wat he wouldn't have to deal with more people in that same moment.

When he left the white van, it didn't wait for Sakura. In fact, as soon as they arrived he left quickly to go inside of the place. He didn't wanted the girl to think he was angry with her. Although perhaps he was angry, he left the front door open and fled to his office, the only safe place where he could be. He went upstairs hoping not to wake anyone, went into the large office, locked the door 

And he fell.

And he let himself broke.

Maybe Romero would search for him to find out where his owner was, maybe Yuugiri would listen to him and start doubting more about his already shattered facade as an aggressive and unemotional producer. But he didn't care now. He let himself be broken, just a little, just that day. 

Silent tears fell down his cheeks, and his throat tried to drown out the whimpering that kept growing louder and louder. He’d to stop. 

And he shouted to himself in his mind that he must stop. But he was weak. A weak man who could not comfort the woman for whom he’d lost his humanity. He was weak because he couldn't keep his Koutaro mask on. And he was always weak, because he didn't let go an old and shattered memory of love that was tragically taken from him.   
He fiercely wiped the teardrops from his face, dropping the only protection he’d in that crooked world. His glasses finally fell off, and Inui became again that high school boy who loved Sakura. And damn it, he was still that same Inui that continued to loving her. 

_You must go on without me"_

_"I don't have what it takes"_

_"I'm useless."_

**"That's not truth"** he said a little too loudly, taking the object between his fingers, and throwing it across the room in rage. Sakura was not useless; she was beautiful, she was cheerful, she was capable of doing whatever she wanted. That was the girl for whom he fell in love, and he could not bear to see her there, telling such lies to her face. The crash sounded in the room, as did his frustrated cry. 

He stood up from the cold floor, sobbing between gasping breaths. "It's not like that, that's a lie. The girl I knew had the sweetest, brightest smile I'd ever seen in my life." It was a smile that he refused to lose again. He wished he could say that in her face, that he could go to her, and shout that she could get whatever she wanted, that she was doing it perfectly, that she should not be afraid, even though he was the one who was afraid. Because no matter what would happen in the future, he would never leave her.

Too bad he couldn't do it. He’d to stay in the shadows, swallowing his feelings as he’d done since everything started, but it was getting harder, more exhausting, and now he was drowning. 

A noise made his heart skip a beat. His hands moved to his mouth, trying to shut up at once. He remained frozen in place, trying to hear something from outside. Perhaps he was too noisy, perhaps he let Inui exist more than he should, perhaps...

"This is pathetic, there's no way I..." The voice came from outside the office. Behind the large windows that were at that time covered by thick, dark curtains. Inui approached these, and he knew what to expect.

"Everyone says it's not true, that I'm really an idol, but... How could someone like me..." there it was again. The voice sounded soft, almost like it wasn't there. Maybe he was hallucinating? The thought made him feel bitter. At that point in his life, the last thing that would surprise him was knowing that he was finally crazy. It would be at least an interesting way to have wasted 10 years of his life. Living in an impossible dream that consumed him until he lost his mind.

"I... I should never have come back." 

He heard that, followed by a couple of footsteps that went further and further away, until, again, he was silent.

"Damn it!" he said again, his voice broken and drowned out by his own crying. He put his hands to his face, trying to cover him up so in that way, no one would see who he really was; a poor, ridiculous, weak man. Inui was not strong, well, he’d never really been strong to begin with. He sealed his own fate because he wasn't able to let his feelings die along with the girl. He’d gone to hell like Orpheus to bring back his Eurydice, wrapped in a childish and maybe twisted fantasy of love. He’d lost so much, and now, having finally achieved something, it was all falling apart again.

He fell back to the ground, alone, with his feelings shattered and his eyes hurting thanks for the teardrops.

In spite of everything. And if at some point everything he’d done came to success at the end, he would be satisfied. Even though he knew that praying and waiting for that love was too much to ask for a poor bastard like him, all he was asking for was that her smile would still be there, and that it would never be lost again thanks to the pain. Was he selfish? Without a doubt. But he was the man who disturbed the rest of the dead, played with black magic, threw away years of his life, went against the nature and even challenged the death itself. He couldn't longer call himself even human.

And yet, after all, after the time, the memories, the pain...

Inui couldn't stop loving her, even if the world, life, and death prevented him from doing it.


End file.
